Romantic relationships are primarily about connections, and without them, there cannot be a healthy relationship. This is one of the main reasons spouses crave having that with each other. Emotional intimacy is needed in every relationship, but sadly, many couples lack this vital form of connection between them.
So, if I may, how often do you share this vital bond with your partner? Could this be a significant reason your relationship has suffered extreme challenges? Relationships can blossom if spouses apply the principles required to make the relationship blossom. Come with me as I share some essential principles about building emotional intimacy with your spouse.
What Is Emotional Intimacy?
Did you know that nurturing a healthy relationship and intimacy with your partner demands that both spouses communicate and put in an effort? Also, there must be a willingness to be vulnerable and open up with each other. Without any of the things mentioned above, building emotional intimacy in that relationship is impossible. So, if building this connection with your partner is vital, what is emotional intimacy?
Emotional Intimacy Definition
is a profound sense of emotional closeness and connection between people that stems from sharing feelings, deep thoughts, and experiences with each other. It is often characterised by mutual understanding, trust, and acceptance. This further allows both people to feel valued, secure, and genuinely know each other.
Emotional Intimacy Goes Beyond Superficial Or Shallow Interactions.
One major thing people fail to understand when this topic is discussed is that emotional intimacy goes beyond superficial or shallow interactions. It is primarily characterised by a shared emotional closeness or connection that will strengthen the relationship, open and honest communication, and the willingness to express vulnerability without fear.
It is safe to conclude that emotional intimacy is vital for a stable relationship. And it will interest you to know that it lays the foundation for other forms of intimacy like spiritual, physical, and intellectual intimacy.
For instance, research has confirmed that high levels of emotional intimacy help maintain sensual interest and other activities between spouses.
What Is A Lack Of Emotional Intimacy?
I cannot over-emphasise the numerous challenges that will plague any relationship void of emotional intimacy. Hence, we advocate that couples adhere to what must be done to ensure their relationship isn’t void of emotional intimacy.
Dysfunction most times doesn’t look like it until it has wreaked havoc on a once-healthy relationship. When all a person has seen is dysfunction, a part of them begins to feel like that’s what’s normal. Usually, such spouses do not recognise the signs of a lack of emotional connection.
- Taking intimacy out of marriage is a dangerous bargain.
For instance, how often have you heard stories where one partner announces they want a divorce and the other feels blindsided? To the other partner who feels blindsided, they may wonder what went wrong. “But we spoke regularly, or didn’t we?” They may say to themselves.
But going back memory lane and looking closely at their marriage, they may stumble upon countless times when a wall was constructed between them. More often than not, when this constantly happens, there is only so much the human heart can take for one lifetime.
Taking intimacy out of marriage is a dangerous bargain, so this means that intimacy and marriage should be inseparable.
Some signs suggest that your relationship with your partner lacks intimacy, and here are a few. Feeling lonely in the relationship, lack of support, not sharing vital information with your partner, feeling disconnected from your partner, not sharing because of fear of being rejected or judged, lack of physical affection, more arguments and conflicts, distancing yourself from your spouse, and not empathising with each other.
Additionally, the lack of emotional intimacy can affect one’s sensual life, leading to a constant decrease in marital satisfaction. Research has supported this fact.
It is important to note that emotional connection is not built in one day or gets lost in a day. In any case, it is either gradually built up or slowly destroyed. It is vital for partners to work together and ensure that they build and maintain intimacy in their relationship. As much as we discuss the need to build emotional intimacy in a relationship, it is worth noting that it is equally essential to be emotionally available.
Let’s Explore How To Build Emotional Intimacy.
1. Quality Time Together
The unit of life is time, and if you love a person, it is only natural for you to want to spend time with them. And spending quality time produces moments, connections, touches, glances, whispers, memories, embraces, and shared experiences. Isn’t this what we all desire?
All of the things mentioned above are the building blocks of a loving and healthy relationship, an d to be honest, the essence of it all can’t be described entirely by words. Some things are best experienced. And how can you experience these things if you don’t spend quality time together?
The truth remains the truth: time does facilitate emotional connection. So, one of the things to do to build emotional intimacy is to spend quality time doing fun things you both enjoy. My article, “10 Bonding Activities For Couples,” can greatly help.
2. Physical Affection
Non-verbal communication is as vital as verbal communication. This is in no way advocating that couples solely base the success of building emotional connections on non-verbal communication alone (more will be shared in point 9).
Physical affection is also a part of the 5 love languages discovered by Dr. Gary Chapman. So, what does that tell you? I deduced from that information that couples can starve themselves of this vital aspect of the relationship while still doing other things.
This can be most hurtful if physical affection is your primary love language. Although loved by their spouses, many couples do not feel loved primarily because of this.
If your spouse’s love language is physical affection, which includes physical touch, such as hugging, cuddling, and holding hands, practice this more often to build an intimate relationship with your spouse.
3. Support Each Other
Supporting each other will naturally come when the first two steps discussed above are done. Interestingly, it will grow into something better than it used to be because they feel connected to you more.
Remember what they say about going all out for the ones we love. One of the proofs of love is its willingness to support. So, be there for your spouse in all seasons of life because it will communicate a deep sense of love and care. It may not be easy, but as best as you can, offer emotional support and understand them in their times of difficulty.
- One of the proofs of love is its willingness to support.
Lastly, did you know that when one partner says, “I will be there for you,” to the other, it assures and solidifies the other person’s conviction about the relationship? It communicates to the other person going through a difficult season that their spouse’s commitment hasn’t wavered.
4. Express Appreciation
Do you value your spouse? If yes, how often do you verbalise that to them? Expressing appreciation is one of the surest ways to communicate a deep sense of love for your partner.
On the other hand, I need not tell you that the opposite will damage the relationship. When you further study love languages, you’ll discover that expressing gratitude or appreciation is closely related to the 5 love languages, precisely words of affirmation.
Do you think your partner will be pleased with you if all you do is show them an attitude of ingratitude? How to build emotional intimacy is to regularly appreciate your spouse for the things they do for you.
Now, resist the temptation to ignore the little sweet gestures they do for you. Remember that the little ones will always grow into the bigger ones, and trust me, this will strengthen the emotional connection between you and your spouse.
5. Shared Goals and Values
Have you ever been in one of those situations where your partner didn’t ask you for certain information, but because of how happy they made you, you started sharing your goals with them? That’s how powerful doing the right things at the right time is.
In the presence of genuine emotional connection comes the beauty of sharing your values and goals with your spouse. Imagine this for a moment: sitting together with your spouse under a brilliant blue sky, a bottle of wine, and two glasses, savouring the warmth of each other’s company, absolutely lost in deep chat about shared dreams, aspirations, and values. What else could you ask for?
So, I advise couples to make time for each other to discuss these things to build a mental connection. This will further help them align themselves and work toward achieving that common goal. It always fosters a profound sense of unity.
6. Conflict Resolution
Conflicts will occur in relationships, and this is something we cannot run away from or deny. Even the happiest of couples have been there before. On such days, everything may seem to be against the success of your relationship. However, one common denominator of successful relationships is that they work things out instead of attacking each other over the situation. Will it be as easy as ABC? Certainly not!
So, it is imperative that couples learn to handle arguments or disagreements in a healthy way that will ensure that they can still call each other pet names the following day.
For this to be a reality in your relationship, it is best to approach disagreements or conflicts with utmost understanding instead of winning the argument mentality. Would you rather win the argument and lose your partner? What would it profit a man to win the argument and lose his wife? If you ask me, it is a wrong call.
Lest I forget, during heated arguments about who was supposed to pick up the groceries but didn’t, remember that if you cannot mind your tone, mind your tongue. Once a hurtful word proceeds out of your mouth, it can never be taken back.
At the end of the day, resolving challenges together as a team can help build intimacy and trust in marriage.
7. Emotional Check-ins
Sometimes, I wish we could go on this journey without all the challenges that come with our emotions. But I guess we just can’t since we are wired that way.
- Sometimes, telling the other person, “I see you,” takes a hug.
Checking in on each other should not be overlooked. Sometimes, telling the other person, “I see you,” takes a hug. Other times, a call or text can do. So, I am saying that we should occasionally check in with our partner and discuss their well-being, work, career challenges, and matters regarding the relationship.
This ensures that both spouses are heard and understood by each other, which will further solidify the bond between them. Our emotional health should not be jeopardised for anything else. So, regularly check in with each other to ensure that no one is left behind.
8. Build Trust
We cannot discuss intimacy and leave trust out of the picture. Hence, trust is an essential building block to achieve emotional intimacy. Emotional distance can stem from the repeated breaking of your partner’s trust. So, can your partner trust you to keep your word? If you are weak in this area, that means that work needs to be done.
- Building emotional intimacy is also about being an understanding spouse.
So, how do you earn their trust? Show up when they need you, too. Keep to your promises, be trustworthy, and you will earn their trust by repeatedly doing this. Additionally, show yourself worthy of their trust on little or essential matters.
It is essential to realise that, as humans, some days, reality may interfere with your partner’s desire to show up for you. So, when that happens, sometimes, be patient and remember that we are all humans. Sometimes, certain events are beyond human control. Building emotional intimacy is also about being an understanding spouse.
9. Communicate
Too often, we mistake communication for just talking alone, which has ruined more relationships than we can imagine. So, it is possible for spouses to still talk to each other, but emotionally, they are poles apart. Likewise, being in the same room but far from each other is a possibility. So, what does that tell you?
Communication is a two-way street that involves openly discussing with your partner and actively listening when they speak. It will interest you to know that just because spouse talk doesn’t mean their communication is open and honest, nor doesn’t mean they heard and understood each other.
So, I encourage you to share your feelings, thoughts, and experiences with your spouse regularly. Additionally, it would be best to be honest concerning your negative and positive emotions. While your partner is at it, the best you can do for them is listen without biases or preconceived notions.
It will strengthen your connection if you genuinely show that you value and respect their views. And you can do this by acknowledging what they feel and responding empathetically. This is how to connect with your partner emotionally.
10. Create A Safe Space
Lastly, nothing on this list will be a reality if both individuals do not work to create a safe space for each other to express their true nature freely. Creating a safe space also means creating a welcoming atmosphere at home for your spouse. The energy has to be pure and welcoming because that’s how to connect emotionally with your spouse and build pure emotional intimacy with them.
Anything outside this will not yield any tangible result. So, ask yourself, “What does my partner need for safety and trust”? If you answer correctly, you are on the right track to achieving a profound emotional connection. Some intimacy examples that can be achieved if you follow these steps are physical intimacy, spiritual intimacy, and experiential intimacy.
Not enough words describe how fulfilled and happy you will be with your partner if you apply these principles. I earnestly desire that you use these principles to live your dreams in your relationship. More excellent articles like this can be found here, and following us on our socials has another incredible benefit, so kindly click here to find out.
FINAL WORDS
Building emotional intimacy and other forms of intimacy is a thing couples should strive for. However, remember that your arrival at your desired destination won’t take place overnight. Be patient with yourself and your spouse.
We’d like to hear from you about your journey to achieving your goal of becoming emotionally connected to your spouse in the comment section below. Thanks for reading, and remember that sharing is caring.
