In today’s article, we shall be looking at how to get over a breakup with someone you love. Every breakup comes with its kind of pain and lesson.
However, I feel the worst one is the kind of breakup that happened as a result of one’s carelessness.
Thoughts like, “if only I had done better, we still would have been together,” or “I should have done better to avoid this mess.”
In moments like that, people in this category tend to berate themselves and choose not to move on.
Other times, these thoughts linger on for days or even weeks because a little voice in their head keeps on playing everything. It almost feels like it’s like a song on repeat.
You could either choose to silence the voice and move on or keep on dwelling on the issue. From my experience, dwelling on the “it’s my fault” part for so long has never done anyone any good.
But you could decide to be a better person and work on yourself in other for you to be happy. I get it, you may be struggling to get over someone because you still love them.
I humbly admit that it often happens, especially if you’ve been with them for a long time. In other cases, this struggle comes because of how deep we love them.
Some of the most frequently asked questions are: How long does it take to get over someone you still love? How to move on after a breakup when you are still in love? How to get over a breakup fast? How to get over a breakup you caused? How to get over a breakup when you still love them? So many how… Of course, there are many more but these are the frequently asked ones.
However, in this article, I’ll be showing you how to get over a breakup with someone you love.
1. Permit Yourself To Feel Your Feelings
We can’t deny what we feel for a person especially when we deeply love them. The signs are seen all over the place.
Some of which are endless smiles, a lot of hand-holding, showering of gifts, and other acts that demonstrate our love for them.
Even on days when we try to hide how we feel about them, some way, we just tend to blow up our cover.
You allowed yourself to feel that way and in so doing, you expressed your love to them.
Likewise, we should give room to ourselves to feel the hurt, the pain, or whatever feeling that accompanies the stage we are in.
We are beings that have feelings and if we agree on that, it is only right that we allow ourselves to go through this process.
What often builds up to be resentment are trapped feelings of pain that were not let out. They weren’t released and once not released, those feelings will have their roots deep in your heart.
It is also important to express whatever it is we are feeling in a healthy and simple style. Most times, we express those feelings in ways that will make people run away from us and that is not how it should be.
Either way, we have to be careful not to bottle up all those feelings or express them wrongly because any wrong step would lead us down the drain.
It’s a process we should embrace with open arms to help us get back on our feet faster and stronger.
2. Reconnect With Things That Make You Happy
There are numerous ways on how to get over a breakup with someone you love, and finding happiness is another key step you must consider taking if you want to get back to how loving you were before things took a downturn.
It is easier to feel blue or not want to go out of the house because of how things turned out between you and your ex, however, remember that you always have a choice.
Staying sad is a choice most people make because of the unpleasant occurrences they might have faced within that period.
Perhaps, they were dumped a few days before marching to the altar to get married and that disrupted many things in their life.
It’s usually a sad pill to swallow and that single act can ruin a person’s entire life. On the other hand, another could decide to pick up the pieces and move on.
Would it be easy? Certainly not, but with deliberate effort and consistency, you’d be on the happy side of life again.
Starting a gratitude journal on the things you’re grateful for would let you see that there is more to be thankful for in life and in no time, you’d start expressing that happiness you feel to the people around you.
Revisit old photos of your childhood to see how much you didn’t care about how you looked but still found a way to smile. If you did then, you can now.
So one of the ways on how to get over a breakup with someone you love is to reconnect with things that will make you blissful again.
3. Solicit Good Support
I had to include the word “good” to this point to make it clear. Not everyone has your best interest at heart and it is just the plain truth.
Regardless of the relationship, we may have with them, they may still not be as dear as they seem to portray themselves.
Whereas having the right people in your life will make a huge difference.
When we break up with our partner, our emotions may get the better of us and we may wander into zones we should not have any business with.
We may not have the capability to go through this phase of life alone, but that doesn’t make us weak.
Even the best of the best seek support and I love the saying, no man is an island. So many of us feel that when we ask for support or help we are weak, well I beg to differ.
We as humans must rely on the company and comfort of others to thrive and if it takes seeing a therapist, a clergyman, a trusted friend, or a family member, then do it.
On dark days, we may need someone to hold our hands as we walk together. The essence of this is to make the journey easier and faster.
With good words and moral support, eventually, you will be fine. This is how to get over a breakup with someone you love.
4. Rebuild Your Self-esteem
Your self-esteem is important because it has to do with you having confidence in your worth. When our confidence level is low, it affects other areas of our lives.
Oftentimes, after most breakups, most people struggle with rebuilding their self-esteem and the reason isn’t far-fetched.
As a result of that drop, people around begin to see a different you which isn’t quite wonderful to see. It even gets worst in cases where the cause of the breakup is you.
Perhaps, you might have had issues in the past with your level of confidence and your ex helped you see yourself differently and that’s cool. But they are gone now and you’re right back at the bottom again.
This is the time when you quit seeking validity from other people and find it from within.
The truth is, people will leave and there is nothing you can do about that but you can choose to be better regardless of the circumstances surrounding you.
The idea of you always crashing and struggling with self-esteem issues after each breakup should be a thing of the past.
It’s ok if you walked out because your self-respect was threatened by your partner. This shows you know what you want and where you stand.
Keep on learning more about yourself and the more you do that, you will enjoy liberty and that is how to get over a breakup with someone you love.
5. Avoid Having A Rebound
This is a no, no for me and I will advise you to do likewise. This speaks about a lot of things that are wrong with you.
This may mean you don’t enjoy your own company or you are not comfortable being all by yourself.
This may even mean that you don’t love yourself that much so you are seeking for distractions to come takeover.
Sometimes, we need to take our minds off certain things but the ways we go about them is very essential.
What is self-love? This is a state of appreciation for oneself or having a high regard for your well-being and happiness.
Having a rebound relationship doesn’t mean you love the person you are with, it is simply a tactic employed by many to get their ex out of their mind.
How effective is this? Not effective at all because it is a short-term solution to the problem and what you need is a long-term solution.
So, friends may tell you that you need to see someone ASAP, they may mean well but 9 out of 10 times, it fails.
When we get into a rebound relationship, we do it for self reasons and not because the person is cute or because we love them.
We then begin to fool the other person into getting them to believe that we love them. We are trying hard to love even in the pain, well, this will cause us to see things through a fractured lens.
And was worst is that we make the other person think that the fault is from them, whereas, we are the ones with the fault.
One of the ways on how to get over a breakup with someone you love is not to immediately start dating.
Listen, whenever you are dating someone new and you are still not entirely over your ex, that’s a rebound relationship.
Some people may misunderstand my third point and say it’s still in the range of seeking good support, however, I disagree because there is a difference between both. This will in no way help your emotional stability.
6. Let Go Of The Idea Of Closure
I just recently watched the third season of “Sistas” and on that episode, Keren wanted closure from Zach and if you’ve been following the series, you’d understand that their relationship in the past has been filled with drama.
However, the last time they sort for closure, they ended up hurting both of their spouses. This is linked to our fifth point also.
The point here is, that seeking closure may not be a smart move because of the risk involved.
Think of the pain of hearing the word “no” and seeing them leave you again for the second time.
I know Hollywood through great scriptwriters and fantastic actors have painted scenes where it went smooth and they got back together.
However, think of the scenes you seldom see such as the case between Keren and Zach.
All of her friends told her not to because of the potential pain of hearing those words telling you, “I’m done with you and I can’t roll with you no more. Or did I stutter the first time?”
I know we may still be in our feelings and believe that we could talk our way back into their life once more, but most times reverse is the case.
The best thing is for you to acknowledge that it’s over between both of you, understand that and move on as any responsible person would. Is it painful? Of course, it is but be willing to go through the pain as a good soldier would.
7. Disconnect Yourself From Your Ex
One sure way of how to get over a breakup with someone you love is to disconnect yourself from them entirely.
This may require a lot of energy to do and I don’t necessarily mean your capacity to do physical work, I mean you will need to be strong emotionally.
It’s like you are doing away with one part of your life, especially if you’ve been married for a long time. You see, it’s going to take a lot to do that.
When we linger on those old memories of our ex for a long period, it will hinder us from moving on to the next phase of our life.
Sometimes we mourn the demise of our relationship or marriage too long because we’ve refused to disconnect ourselves from everything that reminds us of our ex.
However, this will prevent us from seeing the beauty that awaits us on the other side of life.
First of all, if it means taking out all their things and giving them back or donating them to a shelter, simply have the courage to do so.
Remember, the goal is to get you to recover, and being in that same old space, mentally, would do you no good.
You could also opt to redecorate the house to give it a new look, this has helped a lot and it can also help you too.
Furthermore, you would need to avoid any form of contact with them, not because they are evil but because you are simply trying to recover, and contacting them frequently will hinder the process.
This means phone calls, emails, or even texts are not permitted to happen until you’ve healed. Likewise, social media has made this somewhat difficult to do because, with just one tap, you are staring at them on your screen.
Sometimes, people even spend hours watching their ex’s photos on Instagram and end up crying over the whole breakup again. That’s not how to get over a breakup fast.
You will have to do what I’d like to call a social media fast or social media detox.
Unfollow or block them asap and avoid the temptation of wanting to reconnect with them on any social media platform.
Failure to do so means you are not ready to move on and this may earn you the title of the bitter ex who is a stalker.
Other times, some people opt to live in that city but one could still leave the city and not get over a person.
I agree that with less contact, the memories will soon fade, however, the major work is with the mind.
Unfortunately, we can’t go to the market to buy a new mind, so my point is, you will have to deal with the disconnect first, from the mind. Once that is done, your body will act it out naturally.
8. Know That It Takes Time
Just a few days ago I was watching a cartoon with my kids and in a few minutes the little girl had grown to be an adult and I said to them, “I wish this was how things moved fast in real life.”
After my statement they laughed and then I realized I was talking to a bunch of kids who didn’t understand what life look like in reality.
What’s my point? Everything in life takes time. Honestly, I wish things moved faster as we watch in the movies, then all we’d have to do is to wake up and find out that the feelings are gone.
Perhaps, the concept of time travel could help as we’ve seen in countless movies but hey, this is reality, and reality demands that time has its place on earth.
Oftentimes, we just want things to magically fall in place overnight but we forget that we didn’t just fall in love with them within a second.
It took time for the love to grow to the extent where you feel you can’t live without them.
That was a natural process but because it was love, you didn’t have a problem with time because you were basking in the euphoria of the moment.
Things are now different and pain and hurt are but a few words that describe your current state and you want to magically unlove them, sorry to be a bearer of bad news, it won’t just happen.
It’s going to take time to forget them. It’s going to take time to heal. It’s also going to take time to learn to love someone again and be loved in return and that’s the fact.
Just don’t dwell at the tomb of what used to be that you won’t move on to what could be.
9. Engage More In Your Work And Career
Another key on how to get over a breakup with someone you love is to throw yourself more into your job and make yourself more valuable on the job.
Besides that, you could also go to seminars related to your field to gain more knowledge in your field. This is a good distraction.
I see this as an opportunity to get better at what you do. Perhaps, in the past your spouse didn’t give you so much liberty to do so, now that you have more time, it’s a good time to be dedicated and diligent at what you do.
You just might get the promotion after all because of your new attitude. Now that’s how to get over a breakup with someone you love.
10. Get A New Hobby
This is a time when you should embrace new good things. Be more than willing to get out and see how the land lies on the other side of your comfort zone.
There are a variety of things one could do to add value to one’s life and become a better person. Being idle will only plunge you deep into thoughts of your previous relationship and how bad things were.
You could choose to learn to play an instrument. I’d love to go for the acoustic guitar and afterward the piano.
The reason behind my choice is that I have a nice voice and learning that would only make me better at singing.
Choose what you have a flair for and in doing so, it won’t be too difficult. Furthermore, you could choose to learn how to paint. It’s also soothing by the way.
Getting a new hobby is one of the ways on how to get over a breakup with someone you love.
When I remember my first ever breakup, all I do is smile now. Why? I followed all of these steps. Of course, there are many more ways on how to get over a breakup with someone you love and you could add them to these.
Remember to be grateful for life and be happy because once there is life, there is the hope of a better tomorrow.
We at Relationship And Life can be reached by clicking here (www.relationshipandlife.com) for more wonderful content.
If you are thinking of getting in touch with us on Instagram, you can do so by clicking here (@relationshipandlife01) and you’d be glad you did. Thanks for reading and do remember to share.
