Boundaries in a relationship might not be words many of us are familiar with or haven’t taken the time to know what it means. But having boundaries in a relationship will save you a lot of stress, so we have decided to write about it in today’s article.
Also, apart from protecting us from unwanted stress, it helps both partners stay in check most of the time. So trust me, there are benefits of having boundaries in a relationship.
Maybe someone is asking, “do relationships need boundaries? Yes, they do. Perhaps, you are on the verge of getting into a relationship and do not know how to go about this. Do not get yourself all worked up because this article is just what you need.
Or maybe, you might not know when or where to draw the line. So again, do not be afraid because we have got you covered. So, join me as we explore this fantastic and vital topic today.
What Are Boundaries In A Relationship?
There are dozens of meanings of boundaries in a relationship, and all those definitions point in the same direction.
So, what are relationship boundaries? But before we do that, the word boundary is a term we may have encountered many times in our daily lives.
So, look around you; it is written all over the place in different forms or styles. For instance, if you are a homeowner, you probably have a fence around your property.
So, it is a physical reminder that rests on the dividing line between your property and your neighbour’s. Likewise, there are rules in your office and a defined workspace for you and your coworkers. And everyone in that office knows them, and the list goes on and on.
The reason we have boundaries to follow in our daily lives is the same reason we have them in romantic relationships or any relationship at all. It serves as a warning to protect the relationship from actions that ruin or jeopardise it.
And if a person or both parties don’t set boundaries, it will only be a matter of time before things get out of place.
So, in simple words, in a romantic relationship, the boundary line helps define where you and your partner start and stop.
Or you could say it creates natural limits, which work to your benefit when each partner understands them and agrees to abide by them. Additionally, boundaries distinguish a person’s responsibility in the relationship from their partner’s. Having boundaries in a relationship is helpful, and I can’t stress this enough.
Examples Of Healthy Boundaries
For any relationship to be successful, healthy boundaries should be in place. Not only should they be in place, but they must also be respected because only then is success guaranteed.
If there are healthy boundaries, then there must be unhealthy ones too. So, there are broadly two types of boundaries; healthy and unhealthy. This article aims to show why healthy boundaries are better than unhealthy ones.
Healthy boundaries in a romantic relationship or a marriage are in the middle. It is a place of balance for both partners, which keeps them safe and makes their relationship or connection successful.
You may not necessarily be happy always because the truth is that you may not always get things to be done your way.
And to be honest, your way may not always be the correct one. However, both parties need to get a win-win situation and not a win-lose situation because the latter might be detrimental to the relationship.
In such cases, one partner will consistently feel cheated, which may lead to more complications.
Interestingly, it’s learning to say “yes” to yourself and stay connected to your spouse, and vice versa. Other times, the “yes” may not be an option because of the havoc it may cause. However, this is where healthy compromise comes into play.
Healthy boundaries in relationships also help us take responsibility rather than run away from them. Setting relationship boundaries is vital, and when a couple sticks with them, you hear them say, “we maximise our strengths and focus on the things we like to do together.” “Of course, we don’t agree on everything.
Still, we seek to understand our differences, and my spouse supports me emotionally. I also do the same in his time of need,” or “I feel encouraged by my spouse to pursue my God-given talents, and I also support him.”
A few examples of healthy boundaries in a relationship are respecting yourself and your spouse, sharing mutually, and taking responsibility.
1. You Are Responsible For Your Own Happiness
Romantic relationships are beautiful and loving, especially with the right mindset. But, unfortunately, most times, we allow the wrong perspective, maybe from past relationships or even from the home we came from, to shape ours.
However, it is difficult not to let your experiences shape your perspective or views. We are often a product of our experiences, but that can be changed with your determination.
In relationships, we settle for this idea; my partner makes me happy. Moreover, that is not entirely true, but we have so much bought the idea that we don’t see things from a different point of view. In reality, you permitted yourself to be happy. If you understand this, your happiness will be intact regardless of your partner’s actions.
This may not be what you are used to hearing, but it is the truth. But of course, it won’t be an easy task, but the earlier you recognise that it is too great a burden to let another person make you happy, the better for you. They have their own lives to live, and you may not know the daily challenges they encounter.
All relationships are a two-way process. However, it is not the only source of happiness. You can be happy on your own and even better with your partner.
2. You Can Have Friends Even If
Unhealthy boundaries involve disregarding your own and others’ values, wants, needs, and limits. If this is true, any relationship or marriage that doesn’t permit you to have friends isn’t entirely healthy for you. However, your relationship with your friends must have boundaries too.
Some spouses don’t approve of their partners having friends, whether of the opposite gender or not. They just want you all to themselves, which is not entirely cool. I don’t know whether they sometimes forget that you had friends before they walked into your life or are just insecure or jealous for reasons best known to them.
You can have friends even if you are married or dating someone, so long as your relationship with your friends does not interfere with your marriage. Having friends outside marriage or your relationship with your spouse shouldn’t be misunderstood because this is a greatly misunderstood boundary.
Negative feelings like jealousy should be dealt with before it turns things upside down. Unfortunately, they can also lead to potentially abusive romantic relationships and increase the chances of other abusive relationships or marriages.
3. You Need To Open Up And Have Honest Communication
Many things constitute the health of a romantic relationship or marriage, one of which is communication. Open, clear, and complete dialogue is vital to a successful marriage or relationship, and I can’t stress this enough.
However, I often say that communication is a two-way street, and from a personal point of view, I don’t feel communication is complete without comprehension.
Understanding and sharing in loving homes are best achieved when both partners are not projecting their personal beliefs about the other or what they will say but intently paying attention to what is said. That might be a lot, but it is the ideal thing to do.
Deliberate effort must be put in to ensure this is not left unattended. But unfortunately, in our world today, it is easy to forget what true or real communication looks or feels like without any form of prejudice or biases.
However, I know that when a person loves someone or something, they will constantly make time no matter how busy they may be.
That said, honest communication needs practice and understanding of what’s been said so that the wrong interpretation will not cause issues where none should exist.
Besides, never stop communicating with your spouse, even on the most uncomfortable topics, because that is the base of a healthy relationship.
Having healthy boundaries in a relationship is always worth the benefits if followed.
4. You Need To Respect Your Spouse
This is one of the pillars of any successful relationship, and contrary to what others may think, it is never old-fashioned or out of style. On the contrary, respect has a considerable role in whatever context you view it from. It has saved many relationships from crashing.
There are days when our emotions can play tricks on us. And, of course, there are other days when life’s challenges can take a toll on us and sometimes strip us of rational thinking.
However, in such times, we may no longer respect our spouse as a person. In case you are saying, oh, that can never be me. The truth is, anyone can lose their cool at any time regarding something unrelated to their relationship and then transfer that aggression to their spouse.
But no matter what, remember always to respect your spouse and consider your relationship before taking action or saying hurtful things. Also, please respect their privacy.
No matter how tempting it may be to snoop on your partner’s personal belongings because of something you heard or saw, remember that it is never the best option. Always give the benefit of the doubt. Boundaries in relationships are always beneficial if you stick to them.
5. No Physical Abuse
Healthy relationship boundaries must constitute zero tolerance for any form of physical abuse. Unfortunately, today, anyone can be a victim of this.
Formerly, we used to think women were the only victims of physical abuse. Today, even men can be victims of physical abuse, too.
No matter what happens, this boundary must never be crossed. Anger is one letter short of the word danger. So, what does that mean? Most times, we attribute many forms of physical abuse to rage.
And I understand that some circumstances can drive one nuts, but you must remember that anger has never solved any issue without leaving untold complications or, even at worst, someone hurt or perhaps killed.
Try to control your feelings, especially the negative ones like anger. It would be best to remember that you are in total control of how you feel or how you choose to respond to that situation that wants to make you cross the line.
Finally, each spouse must have enough self-esteem to draw the line regarding violence. In other words, there must be boundaries between the spouses so that none of them steps forward to the extent of practising physical abuse in other to have a say in the relationship or marriage.
6. Nicknames You Both Like
Having nicknames is lovely, which speaks of a special kind of bond between lovers. However, as there are physical boundaries, there must be emotional boundaries, also. Just because they are your spouse doesn’t mean that everything you say is cool with them.
Nicknames, or pet names as others call them, are often used to signify belonging or to show how fond of you they are.
So, there are tips on how to give nicknames to that loved one of yours. If you are a lady and want to ensure you are on the right track regarding this particular topic, read our article, Cute Nicknames For Boyfriend. Also, guys are not left out. Our article, Adorable Nicknames For Girlfriend, will guide you on the tips.
In essence, the names given to each other must be respectable and sound adoring rather than bullying. Besides, partners can become uncomfortable or embarrassed by their nicknames, and in such times, that act should be stopped, and another name should be given.
7. Setting Sensual Limitation
The relationship boundaries list won’t be complete without mentioning what goes on under the sheets. It is vital to know the dos and don’ts, if I may put it that way.
However, the bedroom should be a safe space for both partners to feel free and comfortable expressing their love for each other within safe grounds.
One of the goals is to enjoy giving and receiving pleasure. But, when either receiving or giving becomes discomforting because of what one partner does or says, that issue should be addressed. One of the reasons is that it can be a mood killer, which could lead to other problems in the relationship.
Having a conversation about it shouldn’t be an option. And it should be done in person or via calls or texts because there is absolutely no need to shy away from such a vital topic.
So, in a nutshell, whatever advances one partner makes to the other that they feel uncomfortable with should be made known without feeling guilty. After all, it is your body, and you should be comfortable and confident enough to say what is acceptable and what is not, and the same goes for the other partner.
8. Financial Preferences
Financial talk is vital in any field of life, and romantic relationships are no exception. But, just as we as individuals are different, so are our habits – including the way we spend money.
So, both partners must come to terms with what should be permitted and what should not. In other words, work out what will work for you and agree to keep doing that.
One of the most asked questions about this topic is, “should we have a joint account or have our separate accounts?” Unfortunately, I can’t answer those questions accurately because I don’t know your money habits.
However, there is one thing I can say. You should discuss and come to a common ground, you know, a win-win situation.
Once this is done, no partner will feel cheated because money is considered one of the top reasons for divorce in this era.
9. Say “No” Sometimes
Healthy boundaries in relationships sometimes include saying “no”. I know, right? It sounds somehow, but I will explain.
Boundaries to set in a relationship include saying no sometimes to your partner, even if it hurts. The truth is that they may feel hurt or, at worse, betrayed. But in what context?
Saying no to your partner involved in a shady or illegal deal isn’t bad. But, other times, they may even ask for your help to complete a shady deal. So, saying no in this context isn’t wrong. But, instead, they should be thankful to you.
Other times, they may even want to do hurtful things, and if you hesitate to say no, it may ruin your relationship, marriage, or, at worst, your life. So, boundaries in a relationship should involve saying no sometimes.
10. Resistance To Deviations
Yes, boundaries in relationships are not only for you two. Whoever said they were? It will interest you to note that they serve as a guard between you and the world. Earlier, I spoke about having boundaries with your friends so that your friendship doesn’t interfere with your relationship with your partner.
Interestingly, these limits with the outside world will help prevent you from having extramarital affairs of any kind or infidelity.
However, when such things happen, it is safe to say that certain limits were crossed or ignored. So, in other not to be that partner, remember to set boundaries where necessary and let your friends or colleagues know. You might not know who wants to get down with you if you allow them.
11. Taking Responsibility
Boundaries in a relationship should include taking responsibility for one’s actions and not transferring the blame to the other person.
Some people are good at refusing to take the blame for something they did. Instead, they prefer a different approach, especially one that is not so good.
Whenever you and your significant other have any argument or fight, try to come to terms and make up. Also, you both should say sorry and take equal responsibility for your actions where possible.
Having a constructive discussion after a fight is vital in any relationship. And acknowledging each other’s feelings is also vital, but your partner’s decision remains theirs, and you can’t take responsibility for that.
It is pretty human to blame each other, especially in rage or because of hurt, but it is always good to pause and ask yourself, what about my choices that led to this event? Doing this will help your relationship in no small way.
12. Respecting Each Other’s Privacy
Boundaries in a relationship should include respecting your partner’s privacy. Just because you are married to a person or in a relationship with them doesn’t mean that they are not entitled to their privacy. So why should you deprive them of theirs if you are entitled to yours?
I can’t stress this enough, but the fact remains that some people try to own the other person they are in a relationship with. If you are in this category, try a different approach which doesn’t include trying to own them. You can only own properties.
13. Spiritual Boundaries Are A Must
We all have our views or what we believe in as regards our spirituality. For example, you may believe in God because of the religion you practice, and your partner may not.
However, both partners must respect the other person’s view and not do otherwise. This is why communicating your respective views on spirituality and respecting all beliefs must be boundaries examples couples must follow.
14. Reevaluate Your Expectations
Boundaries in relationships should include this because it is very unhealthy. However, we are humans, and there are days when we may not function as expected.
In times like this, we should be ready to reevaluate our expectations in whatever area that our spouse seems not to be at their best at that moment. It is too tasking to ask any human always to meet your expectations.
15. Asking For And Accepting Help
Asking for and accepting help is among examples of relationship-healthy boundaries. At some point in life, we will need a helping hand.
So, if you are there now, why not accept help from your spouse? The truth is we cannot do it alone. And instead of the traditional gender roles, why not adopt a style of whoever does it best should handle it, or if you all are equally good, do it together?
Asking for help or receiving help doesn’t make you weak, and remember that marriage is a call to serve one another in love.
Regarding boundaries in relationships, the list can be endless, and yes, they are helpful. But the most important is to remember to set them and abide by them. It may not be easy, but with time you will be glad you took that route.
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