Can you be in love with two people? This question might look weird, but I assure you that many people have it on their minds. You see, romantic feelings are funny. They can happen in a confusing way that might make no sense.
So, if you have two people you are in love with, you are not weird and cheap. It happens. It is possible. In this article, we will explore together what being in love with two people entails and how you can handle such a confusing feeling.
If You’re In Love With Two Persons, Choose The Second One
First of all, you need to understand that there is nothing wrong with you being in love with two people. Second, you must also know that this is possible because people love others for different reasons.
It could be that you love person A because they treat you like a gem. You could like person B just because they always come through for you when you are stuck in a hard time. People who have this ability are called polyamorous.
You have probably seen this quote going around the internet, “if you are in love with two persons, choose the second one. This is because if you really loved the first, you would not have fallen for the second.”
This quote is often attributed to the famous American actor Johnny Depp. But aside from the fact that a movie star came up with this, have you considered if it is actually true? Have you considered if it applies to every case?
As I mentioned earlier, feelings are tricky and cannot be figured out. We go through life meeting a lot of people. Some we like, some we despise and some we love. But we do not end up in a relationship with everyone we fall in love with.
So before you take Depp’s advice, you must first sit down and ask some salient questions. If you fell for the second person while in love with the first, what is the guarantee that you won’t fall for another in the nearest future while still with the second person?
Would you then spend your life jumping from one person to another simply because you fell for them? Do you have that emotional range?
You have to consider many things before choosing someone you want to be with because a relationship is not built on feelings alone. You have to evaluate the two persons you are in love with and choose the person with who you are your most authentic self. This is the person you are supposed to be with.
Is It Possible To Love Another Person While In A Relationship?
You may wonder, ”Is it possible to love another person while in a relationship?”. Well, the answer is yes. It is possible to love another person even when you are married. And I know this can be a scary thought. But it just shows that you are human. So here are some of the reasons why this happens.
I. You Miss How Love Feels In Its Early Days
Remember how it felt when you and your current partner were starting? It was all fun. You were constantly feeling giddy, always eager to meet up with him or spend time at his place. The days of thrilling courtship and butterflies in the belly are over, and you have settled into a routine that eschews those early feelings.
Now, you are bored. So, unknowingly, you seek out that feeling. You seek out that excitement that comes with getting to know someone. And if by any chance anyone comes along and you two get along, you already see yourself falling for them.
II. Life Just Happens
Sometimes, love does not make sense. Feelings do not make sense. That is the whole point of this article. We are humans, and sometimes our humanity gets in the way. Humans are complex creatures. Today you are in love; the next day, you are out.
People fall out of love for no just cause, which is valid. They also suddenly fall in love with another person asides from their partner. This could happen with the partner not committing any crime whatsoever. The heart wants what it wants sometimes.
III. Vulnerability
Some people are more open to this thing than others. They are available and easily accessible. It is even worse if there are little cracks in their relationship that others can easily pass through. This could also be why you fell in love even though you were in love with someone else.
What Is It Called When You Love More Than One Person?
So, you may wonder, ”What is it called when you love more than one person?” It is called polyamory when you love more than one person. If you fall in love with more than one person, you are probably polyamorous. Now, some people pursue this feeling as far as it goes. Some others ignore them and still choose to be committed to just one person.
Some choose to pursue their other love interests secretly, which is cheating; others decide to open up to their partners and find a way around it. Even though society is yet to accept this as a norm, it is slowly becoming a thing where people can have many romantic relationships. It is vital to note that polyamory is not being in an open relationship.
In open relationships, any partner in the relationship can have many sensual partners as much as they want and are under no obligation to disclose the details to the person they are in a relationship with.
Polyamory should not also be confused with swinging, where the main aim is to specifically stay out of romantic relationships but have a lot of sensual partnerships. Here, the swinger can do anything they want with whomever they wish without questions.
For polyamory, there are some rules. All the partners in the relationship know themselves. Think of it as a polygamous marriage without the rites. There are kinds of polyamory.
I. Solo Polyamory
Here, there is no chief partner. The partners in the relationship are independent—each flying solo.
II. Hierarchical Polyamory
In this case, there is a principal partner. The one who calls the shots. They are the ones who receive the most attention. And they also have the power to decide who becomes part of the relationship. You could call them the decision-makers of the relationship.
III. Polyfidelity
In this kind of polyamorous relationship, there is a specific number of persons in the relationship, and no one does anything with any other person outside the relationship.
Can A Man Love Two Women Equally?
Another question that comes up pretty often when polyamory is discussed is, “Can a man love two women equally?” No, a man can say or even believe that he loves the two women equally, but that may not be the case. It is not possible. Yes, a man can love two women simultaneously, and this is because the two women offer different things to him.
The first woman is the mother of his kids and stuck with him through thick and thin, and has his respect. You could even catch him more than once showing off his wife.
On the other hand, another woman in the picture reminds him of his younger days, who is maybe willing to do more exploits on the bed than the first woman, and so he loves her too.
But it is vital to note that a man can’t love two women the same way. Men will love their numerous women for different reasons entirely. So, can he love more than a woman at the same time? Yes. But loving them equally is really pushing it. It is not possible.
Aside from the fact that the man will love both women for different reasons, the way the man treats the women will show you that he cannot love the two at the same time. There is always one that he defers more to. There is the one who takes the more significant chunk of his time.
Men have this funny way they think. They tend to compartmentalize. When they are with one woman, they can box and shove the other woman down to the recess of their minds, making the woman they are with think it is just them.
Then, they do the same thing when they are with the other woman. This can often be deceptive and make it seem like they love both women equally. But, analyze how he acts towards the women; there is always one who gets more from him. That is the one he loves the most.
Can You Love More Than One Person Psychology?
Can you love more than one person psychology? Yes, you can love more than one person, which is normal. Most people who feel this way often berate themselves for being cheap. But the truth is that human psychology has accommodation for such a thing.
And while society is not all that accepting of polyamory, many psychologists have weighed in on the matter. They have concluded that it is possible for someone to love more than one person.
Here is the thing. Love is a feeling, and feelings don’t disappear because society frowns at them. So it does not matter if culture is against polyamory; what matters is that it happens. Think of it this way, parents give birth to many children and love them all. There may be clear favourites, but the parents love all of them still.
In the same way, psychologists agree that people can be in love with more than one person. But this calls into question the concept of true love that we have all been fed right from childhood. This means that one can have multiple true loves and soul mates.
Now, psychologists advise that once you find out that you are falling or have fallen for someone else, it is vital that you do a lot of crosschecking before moving on with them if you want to. For example, you must be sure that what you feel for the second person is love, not just an intense feeling of attraction, as this can often present itself as love.
Is It Scientifically Possible To Love Multiple People?
So, one might want the backing of science on this and ask, “Is it scientifically possible to love multiple people?” Yes, you can love multiple people, and science also supports this fact. It is necessary first to note that in science, love has to do with feelings, emotions and hormones. And we know that our feelings and emotions are not restricted to one person we love.
So, even though your man is the best in the world, you could meet someone who would also treat you nicely as your man and also make you fall for them. The funny thing is that you do not love the first person less. You happen to have someone else who also rocks your world.
For you to understand how possible this is, you need to think of it this way. You have many people in your life that you care about. There are your parents, siblings, friends, classmates and work colleagues. You care and love all these people, each receiving an adequate dosage of your love and not at the detriment of others.
This is the same thing in romantic relationships. You have two people you love romantically. Even though you may love one more, there is no doubt that the love is still there.
This phenomenon is more common than you think. Many people are polyamorous, which isn’t surprising because human attraction is a spectrum. The issue is that most people don’t talk about it because they would be shamed.
The world of today celebrates and sees monogamy as the standard. So, once you mention that you love someone else, you may elicit unpleasant emotions from people around you.
Is It Right To Love More Than One Person?
Someone concerned with morality may ask, “Is it right to love more than one person?” First, we must understand that societal customs and traditions usually form the concept of right and wrong, and this changes as you travel from one society to another.
For example, corporal punishment is frowned upon in the western world. It is a crime to hit a child no matter the wrong they do. But African and Caribbean societies stick to the biblical injunction of spoiling the rod so that the child can be spared. Take a westerner to Africa and would think Africa’s way is wrong, and vice versa when an African goes to the west.
In the same vein, polyamory is viewed differently by people in different societies. In some African communities, men can be with as many women as they want, and these women are aware that the other exists.
They even live in the same house. Christianity has almost erased this tradition. On the other hand, in the west, monogamy is the standard, and anyone loving more than one person is considered a cheat.
So, is it right to love more than one person? That depends on the prevalent culture around you. But then, when has prevalent tradition ever stopped man? Societal norms cannot erase emotions and hormones, so whether your society thinks it is right or wrong, you must know it is possible.
If you eventually want to go against the norm and explore your feelings for the other person, it is only fair to tell the first person what is happening. You can be sure that they won’t like it at first. But they might get used to it.
Pretending to be exclusive with one person while actively being involved with another person is cheating. And that is wrong, no matter the continent you live in.
Can A Woman Love More Than One Man At The Same Time?
So, can a woman love more than one man at the same time? Yes, a woman can love more than one man at the same time. And that is why they can make love to both of them. Remember that women attach a lot of emotions to lovemaking, unlike men. If she is making love to both men that could signify that she is in love with them.
Again, It is also essential to consider that a woman loving more than one man depends on what she understands love to be. Her love language is one of the things that determine if a woman will fall in love with more than one person.
Look at it this way, imagine if a woman’s love language is acts of service, and she gets this from the man she is with. But again, when she meets someone else who also offers these services, her heart will automatically reach out to the second person. She will develop emotions for the second person.
But if her love language is acts of service and her current man is doing that whereas the new guy isn’t, there is a big chance the second guy can’t get her to fall in love.
On the other hand, if the current partner has failed to speak her love language and suddenly this new person starts speaking it, you can rest assured the new guy will have her heart. This is basically how it works for women.
But then, women still find it hard to manage more than one man because they cannot compartmentalize. The commitment and responsibility required to keep that relationship working are too much and problematic.
In Love With Two People What Should I Do?
Now that you have discovered that you are in love with two people, what should you do? Well, first of all, you have to come to the point where you have to make a decision. For example, do you want to stay committed to only one person, or would you like to explore the other person?
If you want to explore, it is best to tell your partner about it. Many couples have adopted polyamory and are doing fine, sometimes even better than monogamous couples. So, if you pursue other feelings, it is best to tell your partner about them.
They may not want that, but with time they might grow to be cool with it. If you want to leave your partner for a new person, here are some things you need to check.
I. Is It Love Or Lust?
Sometimes we think we love someone. Only for us to discover, probably after lovemaking, that hormones set your body on fire, and you were looking for how to quench it. Starting a relationship just because of lovemaking will backfire in the long run. If you have problems with coupling, discuss it with your old partner to see what is wrong.
II. Who Lets You Be You The Most
One common thing in relationships is losing your sense of self and individuality. So, evaluate your relationship with the two of them and go for the one that offers you the chance to be yourself.
III. Compatibility
The next thing you should check is compatibility. Are there similarities between you and the person you are choosing? You have to be logical and practical at this point.
What do you think a relationship should look like? Which of them offers the most of what you are looking to get in a relationship? This is a hard decision to make. It will not be easy for you or either of the two men.
IV. Tell Them The Truth
The hardest part is telling both men the truth. If you have resolved to pitch your tent with the new guy, you have to tell your current partner that you have feelings for someone else.
It will break his heart, but it will be better than being lied to. It still won’t be easy on the other guy if you choose to remain with your man, but this truth is one that you have to tell.
Conclusion
Can you love more than one person? From this article, we have seen that it is possible. So, do not beat yourself up too much. So many people have that experience with you. You are not alone.
Loving two people at the same time can make you confused and exhausted. Yet it is an exhilarating feeling. If you find that you have feelings for more than one person, you have to choose either to explore both feelings or stick with just one person and whichever option you choose, ensure that the two or more persons involved are well aware.
