Dating already comes with its own complexities, and dating a narcissistic partner brings even more to the table than you can ever imagine. Today’s article will centre on how to deal with a narcissist.
Sadly, many people have had their share of narcissistic behaviours from their partners without even knowing they were victims until someone notified them. As we know, relationships work best when both partners are intentional about each other and the relationship’s growth.
But what then happens when it is one-sided? So, just in case you are in love with a narcissist and wondering, how do I deal with them? This post will share some invaluable actionable steps on how to deal with a narcissistic partner.
What Is Narcissism?
This is a personality disorder in which an individual is characterised by having difficulty maintaining realistic and stable self-esteem. Furthermore, it is characterised by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy for others, and a deep need for admiration.
Different individuals may have some narcissistic traits, like a desire for attention.
This itself isn’t bad. However, when these traits are on the high side and constantly interfere with daily activities and relationships, they may suggest a more critical condition known as Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Some key characteristics of narcissism include manipulative behaviour, need for admiration, grandiosity, lack of empathy, fragile self-esteem, and entitlement.
Such traits can affect one’s relationships and other aspects of life, including work. Such a person’s relationship will show misunderstandings, conflicts, and a lack of authentic connection. Well, that’s if they can keep one.
How To Deal With A Narcissistic Partner
1. Consider Taking A Break Or Ending The Relationship
One of my most vital pieces of advice to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist is to consider taking a break or ending the relationship. Trust me, there are excellent reasons to consider doing this.
- One of the things that comes with dating a narcissist is toxicity.
It is one thing to admit there is an issue and another to want to solve the problem. What if they are cool with everything and see nothing wrong with their behaviour and how it affects the relationship? It means that things will remain the same.
If they are unwilling to seek professional help, having disclosed your concern to them over time, it is best to leave them before they drag you down with them. One of the things that comes with dating a narcissist is toxicity.
I have handled cases where people were changed into something horrible that they weren’t all because they stayed longer in a relationship than they were supposed to. It is all about saving yourself so you don’t become a shadow of yourself. This is how to combat narcissism.
2. Practice Self-Care
Living with a narcissist is hard work, and as such, many times, your energy will be drained. As a result, caring for yourself shouldn’t be taken out of the picture. This is also a way of saving yourself from losing touch with who you really are.
When we begin a relationship with a person, we subconsciously expect them to meet some of our needs, and vice versa. Well, for someone dating a narcissist, many times, your needs won’t be met. Now, because of that, internal hurt can occur. However, in such moments, prioritising self-care might just be the best option to feel happy and alive.
It is also a self-care practice not to internalize hurtful actions or comments. Instead, as I stated earlier, engage in activities that will help you feel better about yourself. Some self-care routines you should consider doing are eating well, getting enough sleep, and meeting with a therapist to process ongoing challenges. This is how to deal with a narcissist.
Also, I have an excellent article entitled “50 Self-Care Ideas for a Bad Day.” I encourage you to read it for more self-care ideas.
3. Insist That Your Partner Go To Counselling
Even the strongest of us still need help. It only takes a strong person to admit that they need help. Contrary to popular opinion, this category of people is truly the strongest. Do you think your partner will admit there is an urgent problem that requires the help of a professional? You never can tell if you don’t try approaching them.
If you are looking for how to help a narcissist, one of the ways to do that is to talk them into seeking professional help. Nothing beats that! In fact, it shows that you genuinely care for them and want what you share together to stand the test of time.
So, how to talk to a narcissist is to gently speak to them and give them good reasons why you think it’d be best for them to get professional help.
If your partner resists on your first attempt, do not get frustrated. Many times, persistent consistency might make a huge difference. Let them realise that it is something both of you will do to improve the relationship.
4. Maintain Supportive Relationships
We are relational beings, and every human deserves to know that they deserve a healthy and supportive relationship. It is vital to have such persons in your life who will remind you of that when your world is in chaos. So, if ever you feel alone and lonely, never let that unhealthy idea sink into you. That means keeping and maintaining supportive relationships outside of the one with your partner is vital.
Many people are easily manipulated by their partners, and that manipulation might cause them to sever ties with really good people in their lives.
It is always helpful to know who you are in a relationship with. Furthermore, I want you to remember that a narcissist is a manipulator. This is something we should never forget.
5. Practice Self-Positive Affirmations
It is easy to lose touch with yourself when dating a narcissist. So, how to respond to a narcissist is to practice self-positive affirmations. Words are powerful, and this is something we ought to know by now and remember that even a narcissist knows this, too.
In moments when they want to drag you down with them, practicing self-positive affirmations will be the best thing to shield you from their attacks.
It is no news that in a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist will enjoy putting the other partner down to make themselves feel better. Whenever they try their tricks, tell yourself something positive.
It will help you feel better. Luckily, I have put together “75 Powerful Affirmations for Self-Love.” Trust me, this article will give you some insights into the power of self-positive affirmations.
6. Pick Your Battles
When it comes to how to deal with a narcissist, one of the best things you can do for yourself is the art of learning to pick your battles. There will always be that temptation to want to get even with a narcissistic partner, but guess what? Never fall for it.
- Picking your battles isn’t an act of cowardice in this case.
I humbly admit that it can be challenging to always pay no heed to some of their negative behaviours. However, if you choose to respond negatively when your narcissistic partner acts this way, you are most likely going to get caught in an endless cycle of arguments.
Hence, it is wise to ignore them and move to a safe and peaceful place. This is definitely how to deal with a narcissist.
Picking your battles isn’t an act of cowardice in this case. Instead, it is about doing what’s best and healthy for you.
7. Don’t Give Them Power Over Your Emotions
Whoever has the keys to your emotions can play with them however they feel like doing. This itself is a recipe for disaster should the keys fall into the wrong hands because they can decide to hurt you once they understand that you have given them power over your emotions.
I understand that we want to give ourselves to our partners in a relationship. That’s fine, but giving the power to some with narcissistic tendencies is a no, no. No one, absolutely no one, should have control over your emotions but you.
It is not an easy thing to do, but with self-mastery and self-discipline, there is nothing you can’t achieve. This is how to deal with a narcissistic personality.
8. Try To Show Them What’s In It For Them If They Make Changes
A narcissistic partner may not get the best version of their partner mainly because of their behaviour. Have you ever wanted to give more to a person, but because of their character, you realise that if you do that, you will get more hurt at the end of the day? Too often, that’s how it is with partners who are dating a narcissist.
- Changing can be challenging for anyone and even more difficult for a narcissistic partner.
It is not like they don’t want to give themselves, but when they think their love might be unreciprocated, they return to their shells. I know how unrequited love can be because I have been there myself.
Changing can be challenging for anyone and even more difficult for a narcissistic partner. Half the time, they never agree that anything is wrong with their behaviour toward you.
To make it easier, you could sit down with them and tell them that things can improve if they are willing to change. Let them understand that your relationship does not have to be a war zone.
9. Learn To Set Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in relationships. As a matter of fact, they help protect us and keep us in check. I have always had this mindset that whatever you permit into your space will continually show itself in your space. Other times, they will even pop up without your permission. Why? The simple answer is this: whatever behaviour you allow will continue.
Nipping unhealthy behaviors in the bud is a way to set the tone right. That way, they know that suck kinds of behaviour wouldn’t be condoned around you.
For instance, if your partner does something you don’t like, your silence might tell them, “You can do it again.” However, when you voice out in a healthy manner, it will register in their heads that this attitude is a no, no. Now, that’s how to deal with a narcissist.
10. Don’t Take The Behaviour Personally
I wish this were as easy as ABC, but I like to be relational when I write about such things. It will take everything within you not to take their behaviours personally. This is your partner – your better half, and it will hurt you many times when they decide to act insensitive to your needs.
In such times, your narcissistic partner’s behaviour can negatively affect you, leaving you asking yourself questions. Most times, they make you feel like you are the one with the problem. “Oh, you complain too much.” Those words will continually ring in your head, leading you to ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?”
When you do a retrospection or a critical deep self-reflection, you will find out that you are not the one with the issue. They are the ones with the problem. It would be best if you remembered that a narcissistic individual would treat any partner the way they have treated you, regardless of how wonderful of an individual you are.
When you feel like slipping into depression mood because of whatever they may have done to you, recall that the narcissist’s attitude or behaviour is due to their own emotional and mental health challenges. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. At least, this will help you realise that you are not the problem. This is how to deal with a narcissist.
Signs Of A Narcissistic Partner
Now that you have learned about how to deal with a with a narcissist, the next question is, “How do narcissists treat their partners?” in case you have been asking yourself this question, let’s highlight how a narcissistic partner will treat their spouse.
- They have little to no empathy.
- Lack of remorse.
- They usually like to blame others.
- Extreme overreaction to criticism.
- Frequent bragging.
- Fixation on outward appearance.
- Extreme jealousy.
- Master manipulators.
- There are no boundaries.
- They are easily offended.
- Lack of emotional intimacy.
- Gaslighting.
- A sense of entitlement.
Living with a narcissistic husband can be challenging, but having explained how to deal with them, remember to practice these steps whenever you deem necessary.
It is vital and worth noting that learning how to deal with a narcissistic spouse also means coming to terms with their behaviour. However, that doesn’t mean you cannot take care of yourself and not feel happy. My best advice to you is to feel free to end things if you think you cannot go on anymore.
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Many thanks for reading, and I hope that this article was helpful. Remember that sharing is caring!
