So many times in relationships we often hear of disagreements happening all the time and if not managed well might lead to each partner going their separate ways.
How to resolve conflict, is also, an important aspect that we must learn if we want our relationship to last long.
There is no form of relationship that won’t go down this part. Friends do get into arguments, as do business partners, and so do married couples too.
So the need to learn how to resolve conflict in a relationship cannot be overlooked or brushed aside.
It is not like any one of us is earnestly praying that we get into an argument or fight with our spouse so as for things to end.
So if your thought is, I’m not saying that prayer, so why should I seek the need to know how to resolve conflict? If you do love your partner then you’d know that there is a need to learn how to resolve conflict.
As long as you are together, there are bound to be issues, some may not be complex and others may be complex.
So how to deal with conflict should be something we seek to learn because it will come in handy one of these days.
So let’s give you some ways on how to resolve conflict or disagreement in a relationship.
1. Create An Atmosphere For Open Communication
This is most effective after your partner storms out in anger. The room for open communication is the oldest form of resolving conflicts between aggrieved parties.
Heated arguments are things we can seldom escape from in marriage. No matter how careful either of you may be, one day, egos will collide against each other.
After that, what then happens? Will that be the end of the relationship or marriage because both of you didn’t see the need to talk things through in a calmer environment or atmosphere?
It is always helpful to embrace peaceful dialogue where we allow our partner to air their views. You should consider this, in the conducive atmosphere created for such discussions, we are not to point fingers at each other.
Remember that you are both there to reason and talk about the best way to get things working again. If not done so, things would go south and that is the last thing needed now.
- It is always helpful to embrace peaceful dialogue where we allow our partner to air their views.
There is always a nice way to say what you have in mind without offending your partner. Whether you are requesting a change in character or for your partner to be more responsible, remember to do it in love.
Take this with you as well, war has never won anybody’s heart. Love is free and responsible. So if you are in a healthy relationship, you and your spouse can communicate openly about what the issue is without fear.
2. Get To The Root Of The Problem
It is easier to forget this and attack each other. I mean, that’s easier and it is the quickest route out but make no mistake, it’s only a pause and respite.
Most couples are fond of this and in their minds, the issue is over, however, the other partner is still aggrieved because the issue was not handled appropriately.
All that was done was to point accusing fingers at each other, sort of like, “it’s your fault that we are in this mess.”
Furthermore, it is easier to accuse the other person than to say, “part of it was my fault, so where do we go from here?” We are too quick to exonerate ourselves from the blame and dump it on our spouses.
This has never brought peace anywhere. How to resolve conflict in a marriage is to attack the issues rather than attacking the individual.
- It is easier to accuse the other person than to say, “part of it was my fault, so where do we go from here?”
Assess the problem at hand to see if part of it was your fault instead of just saying I had nothing to do with it. Of course, you had something to do with it.
For instance, if your spouse asked for your thoughts on a key issue regarding your relationship and you put on an “I-don’t-care,” attitude and they took the decision alone, but as things hit the fan, you blamed your partner.
Come on! What if you had said something and your partner took your words? Your attitude contributed to the issues you both are facing.
Instead of yelling at each other, try to examine the problem at hand, and address it from the root. Most times all we do is cut the stem and leave the root.
Oops, it’s going to grow back. How to resolve conflict is to always address the issue from the root and uproot it completely. This is the only way happiness and normalcy will return to your marriage.
3. Control Your Emotions
I wish this was easy but you have got to try. You are so wrong to give up without you trying. That’s the attitude of a quitter and you are not a quitter. Or are you one?
Our emotions are part of our makeup and it is easy for us to let them take the wheel and handle things how they want them to be handled.
Over time, you could take back control even in heated arguments. During the week, I wanted to yell at my child because she wasn’t being helpful to me in that situation, a split second before I lost my cool, I decided to pause for a few seconds. You’d be amazed by how helpful that single act was for me. It saved me!
Am I saying it is easy and would happen instantaneously? Certainly not but with constant practice, you could get better. I’m not saying you should go around looking for problems that will cause you to lose your cool.
I strongly disagree. All I’m saying is when such situations come knocking, you should choose how to respond to them. You shouldn’t let things or people control your emotions or else, you would be in trouble.
You own yourself, therefore choose how you react to certain things. By the way, not everything deserves your reaction. You’d be surprised at how things would turn out for you if you turned a blind eye to most things or people.
4. Don’t Bring Up Past Issues
This has ruined more relationships in our day than any other thing. Our inability to let go of what happened last time and focus on the moment has destroyed the potential of countless relationships.
Am I saying it is easy? Certainly not. Have I had my fair share of this too? Yes, I have. Did I learn from it? Yes, I did. And having learned the hard way, I didn’t want to experience it ever again, so I said to myself, “you just got to grow up.”
Have I been happy after that? Of course, I have. Since then have disagreements occurred between me and my partner? Yes, many have.
So, what seems to be the difference? I have chosen to let the past live permanently in the past where it belongs and so has my spouse. Secondly, I have decided to forgive and be forgiven and get on with things.
How long did this take me or what did it cost me? The answer is, it took me a long time and that was the cost. Happy now? Yes, like I said earlier.
Whenever things go south, resist the urge to bring up what happened the last time. Try as much as you can to delete those memories and replace them with happy ones.
That will help a lot. How to resolve conflict in a relationship when both feel strongly aggrieved is to let go of the past hurt and embrace a bright future together.
Trust me, this will help you two get back feeling happy and grateful for leaving the past where it belongs.
5. Respect Individual Differences
We are always a minute or second away from crossing the line whether with our words or actions. We mostly think that this can only occur during heated agreements or conversations, well, we could do this too with our jokes and not even know so.
Oftentimes, the latter is more subtle than the former, hence it goes unnoticed by the people around. But if your spouse is sensitive enough, they will understand and feel offended.
- You must make it happen by showing them and not just saying it and end up doing the opposite.
This behavior has broken many hearts and is still on the loose. However, your relationship can change and even become better if your partner feels respected.
You must make it happen by showing them and not just saying it and end up doing the opposite.
You should learn to understand their views, thoughts, opinion, and even ideas. This way, things would get better and hopefully, both of you would be happy again.
Always remember that our differences make us who we are and in that lies our uniqueness.
6. Watch Your Tone
Most of us are guilty of this and we know it. Sometimes, it is not what we say to our partner that is the problem but the tone in which it was said.
It can be difficult to lower your voice when in a disagreement with your spouse and tempers are flying high. In such moments, we feel that in other to express ourselves, our tone should sound harsh, loud, or even rude.
But that is not how it is supposed to be, and just because you’re shouting doesn’t mean what you are saying makes any sense or is right.
As people in love, we should never resolve conflicts this way because I can guarantee that it won’t make matters easier. So how to resolve the conflict would be to avoid using belittling tones as well.
7. Have Empathy
Many people do not know what it means to have empathy. The actual meaning of the word is to understand the thoughts, feelings, or emotional state of another person. Do you possess this in you or it’s missing?
Seldom do we like to identify with someone else’s thoughts once we are angry or upset. We’d like for things to go our way and if it’s not our way, then it doesn’t care to us.
However, this is not the right way to resolve the disagreement in a relationship. Possessing this character doesn’t make you weak rather it makes you a wonderful human.
When you fail to put yourself in your partner’s shoes or situation for once and try to see things from their standpoint, it is safe to say that you don’t have empathy.
What this means is that having empathy is essential to resolving conflicts in any kind of relationship including marriage.
8. Use Humour
One of the ways how to resolve conflict is to use humor. This may sound unrealistic but it works.
For example, if you are in a difficult space and your partner isn’t trying to let this one slide by, and in a split second instead of retaliating with cruel words or going into attack mode, you decide to use humor to cool things down. How would that even make you feel? Good, right? Remember the pause tactic I talked about earlier? Yeah, it helps.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, that’s it takes two people to fight and disagree for things to get violent.
You could turn those arguments into a matter you both will laugh about by using humor to reduce the tension that would have erupted and caused issues to go sideways.
Relationships are beautiful if only we’d realize that we need to learn certain things for them to be worthwhile. How to resolve conflict is one of those things.
We have just assisted you by giving out 8 ways on how to resolve conflict in a relationship. These steps are very effective and are worth trying. Of course, there are many other steps but we just decided to write on these alone.
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