Jealousy in relationships can cause a severe rift between both partners and could leave the other regretting why they started together as partners in the first place.
Should there even be room for jealousy in a harmonious relationship? Jealousy is natural but when it becomes intense, it can damage a relationship.
Well, there are many reasons for jealousy in relationships and some of them may not even make sense to you at all, however, some may make sense to you.
What’s my verdict? Each individual on planet earth has different reasons why they may be jealous.
How to overcome jealousy in a relationship can be somewhat of a difficult task to carry out but just as in most other issues, there has to be a place for willingness in other for things to get better.
One can only be helped when they see that they have a problem, so a person who rejects the fact that he or she is extremely jealous will decline every move from their partner to help.
I need you to understand that some relationships are still yet to recover.
1. Talk About It
It is a very healthy practice to be open with your spouse. In this case, it signifies the willingness to work things out because if not addressed swiftly could leave your relationship heading down the drain.
Jealousy in relationships can change the dynamics of your relationship if left unattended to, and if talking to your spouse about it will make you feel better, then go ahead.
You could also opt to seek professional help by seeing a therapist, this would open you to see things from a whole different point.
And once this is done, taking deliberate steps toward change will not be so daunting as you thought it would be.
At this stage, your spouse will need to be by your side at every step of the journey and you’d need to have confidence in yourself and trust the process.
If you don’t feel the need to seek the help of a therapist, then you could talk to a trusted friend, a family member, or even a clergyman. ‘
It all depends on who or what will make you feel comfortable enough to open up. In essence, you will need a safe space to unpack some things off your chest.
Remember, if you don’t talk about it, hardly will you experience change positively, so do feel free to talk about it in a safe space, and hopefully, you’ll get help.
2. Heal Your Wounds And Get To The Root Of The Jealousy
Jealousy and insecurity in relationships can be caused by a variety of different things. Some of it may be from past relationships or even from the home where they grew up.
For some reason, the mind has refused to erase those pictures so it holds on to them and acts when it sees a similar case.
Those pictures could depict themselves in painful emotions so failure to confront the root of the matter will be a futile mission when an attempt is made.
Sometimes, it may mean confronting the hurt from the past, and that can be hard to do but it is worth trying to get free and live a great life.
Other times, you may need to reframe damaging thoughts that have always affected your behavior.
Is it ok to recognize that this is an issue? Absolutely yes! Once this is done, the next move should be to figure out what you are really scared of because jealousy and insecurity in relationships come from a place of fear.
Once this fear is in us, no matter how wonderful a relationship is, the partner with the issue will still have problems related to jealousy.
3. Trust Your Partner And Yourself
A relationship cannot blossom without trust and when trust is void in a relationship, something else fills the space.
What do you think fills that space? Countless times we’ve seen this happen repeatedly but we fail to reject the idea when it comes.
Reports have shown that jealousy suggests trust is missing and trust is an important factor. If we agree, why then do many still fall victims? We should thrive to constantly create an atmosphere of trust.
I agree that jealousy in relationships could come when one partner isn’t faithful. Not only would it do that, but it may also lead the other partner to feel insecure, and that’s the last thing a person should be made to feel.
Nevertheless, one of the ways on how to stop being insecure in a relationship is to first trust, love, and believe in yourself.
One of the core causes of insecurities in a relationship is mostly related to a lack of self-love issue.
In a relationship where one partner holds on to harmful beliefs or feels like they are undeserving of love, they won’t be able to trust completely.
They may even get jealous and insecure because of how their partner seems to be at peace even in the most unpleasant situation or maybe when they are having a good time with friends of the opposite gender.
However, even if such folks haven’t cheated before, their partner might still feel insecure.
4. Develop A Healthy Attachment
Sometimes we might ask ourselves, “why am I so jealous and insecure?” The answer to the question may be rooted in an underlying issue such as neglect from your spouse.
This can lead to intense jealousy in relationships if most of your time is spent with a particular person other than your spouse.
And the person mustn’t be of the opposite for your spouse to feel jealous. The thing is, once someone is taking more of your time than they are, this could cause jealousy.
You both should find ways to spend time together and connect to reassure your spouse that you are still committed to them.
Once this is done, effort should be put in place for the words to become the reality of your spouse. Words are just useless if actions are not taken.
Take time out to show affection to your spouse and build an attachment to one another. You should bear in mind that any threats to your attachment should be a cause for concern.
5. Avoid Going Through Their Things
Going through their stuff will only make matters worse than they are. I know it is a bit hard to resist the temptation, especially when you want to know what’s going on in their lives.
But think of it this way, how does snooping around help change the situation?
The best time to resist that urge would be when everything in you says, “do it.” Jealousy in relationships can turn you into what you are not.
One of the things we easily think we can take a peek at is our partner’s phone, especially when they are in the bathroom or busy in the kitchen.
Likewise, we feel we can get their password to their social media accounts to monitor what they have been up to because our minds have been telling us that they have been up to something.
Most times we feel that if we are not aware of what they are doing, there is something they must be hiding and we tend to build up to jealousy from there.
If someone is going to be unfaithful, whether you keep tabs on them or not, they will still find a way to do it.
Checking your partner’s devices will not grant you any solace nor will it satisfy you. It is only going to trigger the issue you are facing to be worse.
If there is something you want to know, simply ask your partner for clarity rather than going behind them.
6. Don’t Act Out
This may not be as easy as it may sound but then, it is worth trying for the greater good. It is easy to let our feelings take the wheel and allow them to drive us through, however, what isn’t easy is to say I will either wait this out or ask about it.
The feeling of jealousy or any other feelings is not the problem, the main issue starts when you start acting on that feeling and let it consume and control you.
When I think of jealousy in relationships or what causes insecurity in a relationship, I can’t help but think about the movie Acrimony.
A series of things led her to be jealous and when she was finally consumed by it, she acted on it instantly even without thinking twice. Strange but that is what it can lead to if we immediately act it out.
I don’t want to sound like a superhuman so I want you to get this. You can feel the feeling, but what is more important than that is to remember that you must not act on it.
This is where self-control will help play a major role. Remember that it may not be what you are thinking it is.
Your spouse will have to interact with other people of the opposite gender but that doesn’t necessarily mean they are cheating on you or they like that person more than you.
Remember that they chose you willingly without a gun to their head, so find peace in knowing that they are yours and you are theirs. Should the feelings come next time, change the way you approach them and handle the situation nicely.
7. Do Improve Your Self-esteem
What makes a woman insecure in a relationship could be deeply rooted in low self-esteem issues.
Once that’s the case, no matter what her spouse does for her, she will always feel a certain kind of way that will threaten the dynamics of the relationship.
Once the dynamics of the relationship is under attack, you both are off to a rough start.
Improving your self-esteem on the other hand will let you be a better person, first for yourself and second, for your spouse.
How you value and see yourself is largely based on our opinions and beliefs about ourselves, however, this can sometimes be difficult to change because they weren’t just there overnight.
Besides, the best part is you can become better if you are willing to.
Truth is, if I don’t like myself, I will feel insecure about that and even dislike my partner for what they had nothing to do with or what they have no power over. Low self-esteem is the fuel that jealousy needs to keep on burning.
8. Don’t Let Your Imagination Overpower Your Reality
This is the most powerful of them all. Sometimes we underestimate the power of our minds, and we also underestimate the power of the thoughts we entertain.
We don’t pay attention to those thoughts because we feel that they are unimportant, however, we fail to realize that the whole battle is in the mind.
The truth is, once we have entertained those thoughts of jealousy, it is hard to resist acting on them because, in other to seek satisfaction, we would want to see more.
This time, not with the eyes of our hearts but with our physical eyes. And when we find nothing implicating our spouse, we are unhappy and we secretly wait for another opportune time.
This is how a cycle of jealousy in relationships starts. Trust me, it is subtle in its approach.
People who have these issues often feel that they are left with little or nothing, so even though their partner is as plain as day, they turn to their imaginations to help them out.
This is the beginning of failure for such an individual because they will begin to put pieces to a puzzle that doesn’t exist.
The problem here is that it is all in your head and founded on the need to find something wrong even when there is nothing.
My word to you is, just let it go and let your rational mind takeover.
The signs of jealousy in a relationship are much but if you notice that you see these in your partner, you could choose to help them get over it if they are willing to.
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