In every relationship, red flags are a thing to look out for consistently. Although these signs never flash directly in your eyes, there are possible pointers to help you easily determine the toxic relationship red flags you should be aware of while dating your partner.
First off, what are toxic relationships? Simply put, these are relationships with an obvious slack on the side of one or even both partners.
It consistently harbors disrespect, unfaithfulness, and dishonesty as well as abuse from a certain partner.
Toxic relationships are common and easy to find among couples. But unfortunately, might not be easily detected by those affected.
Ready to detect the relationship red flags you might be missing? Follow-through
1. You’re A Different Person Around Your Partner.
This is not a situation where your partner tries to bring out the better version of you, it is a situation where your partner’s presence makes you put on camouflage to fit his perceived description of you.
This is what we can easily describe as the controlling relationship red flags, not so easy to detect but the moment you notice a sudden change in your aura to become a different person when your partner is around, this is a toxic relationship red flag that should be combatted immediately.
If your partner cannot appreciate you for who you are. Then you probably shouldn’t be partners at all.
Your relationship should be your safe space to display your true self with a reassuring partner, not a virtual reality where you wear a mask to fit into the situation.
2. You Take The Blame Eventually.
Have you ever been in an argument or misunderstanding and continuously realized that you always accept the blame, even when your partner is obviously at fault? This might seem like acting maturely or being the bigger person.
Except you’ve failed to realize that in a relationship, there is no bigger person. The art of listening and understanding is the first step to creating a peaceful environment within your space.
Continuously taking the blame makes you bottle up emotions and eventually blurt out at the wrong time.
One of the red flags in a relationship with a woman might be ending arguments to avoid her nagging, if it is unbearable, it’s probably not right for you.
Once a situation is discussed and analyzed between mature adults, there should be an understanding, not willingly accepting in the idea of letting peace reign.
This is not maturity in any sense but a conscious red flag you should not fail to admit and correct if possible.
3. It’s More Like An Office Than A Relationship.
If you’ve ever been under official tension, you would agree that every mistake earns you a query or worse. So you stay on course, performing every duty according to the books.
Well, sad to say, some relationships also face that control structure. When a partner is so affixed to doing everything right like their life depended on it, you begin to wonder if a relationship was supposed to be fun or a curriculum.
These controlling relationship red flags do not seem so obvious as those affected make a habit out of it, hence mistakes are not tolerated and probably have consequences, bringing us back to the office scenario with the boyfriend acting as human resources.
In some situations, it doesn’t result in physical abuse but verbal abuse is constantly experienced alongside defeated self-esteem, to say the least.
4. Your Partner Justifies Every Wrong Move.
Relationship red flags are sometimes pretty obvious from an intelligent standpoint, but “love is blind” they say.
A partner’s inability to own up to his mistakes but rather continuously defend them is an obvious early relationship red flag that should not be ignored under any circumstance, this is toxic and heartbreaking at the same time.
When your partner habitually does things to hurt you and is unapologetic, it shows that he or she do not rate you as important enough to be respected in that relationship.
Such partners are domineering, controlling, and rigid in activities involving others, they never see situations from your viewpoint or even believe your views are not worth the conversation.
It is common for people to suppress this bad trait of their partners by covering up with other good traits they might seem to possess, this is however not fair in terms of the real meaning of companionships and is tagged as an exclusive toxic relationship red flag.
5. Goals Do Not Match.
When you’re constantly stressed, worried, or upset about work, school, or career goals. Your partner should be your one call to relief, a shoulder to lie on or that person you can talk with to provide the right form of comfort and encouragement. When that person does not sympathize with your struggles or waves by like he can’t notice.
That is a point to examine what the relationship is aimed at. Is your partner a factor for your growth? Is she on the lookout for opportunities to make you a better person? Or is it a circle of conversations and romance without a positive outlook?
This is a relationship red flag moving too fast to a serious downward spiral, besides the flair in a relationship when goals are not aligned or supported by a caring partner, it is all doomed to fail.
Let your partners’ wins and losses equally affect you but most importantly let your growth be their point of focus.
6. You’re Struggling To Keep Up.
Relationships go through ups and downs constantly as the two people involved are not perfect.
They fight, laugh, learn and enjoy good times together, but it is always a higher rate of affection compared to the stress based on disagreements.
If over time, you begin to notice that the presence of your spouse raises anxiety or the whole relationship has become overwhelming and a struggle to deal with. That is a relationship red flag.
That moment where the thought of your spouse gives you a slight headache or the progress of the whole ordeal is not deemed as possible, a conversation to discuss the problems within would be a great idea.
However, if after a while of trying hard to make it work it doesn’t seem to have a solid placeholder, it might be best to make certain decisions for the good of everyone involved.
7. You Begin To Compromise, Not Contribute.
A brief help here, compromise is not particularly wrong in a relationship instead it is a great way to keep it from smashing the rocks.
You’re probably bothered, how is this a problem? Compromise can only get you so far, in some situations you might have given in to compromising in every situation to the point that you begin to doubt your suggestions.
These are aspects of controlling relationship red flags, except the domineering aspect is not one to surface so early or we notice too late.
When a partner compromises more often than they contribute, it is probably because the other person is not yielding or willing to listen.
Hence to continuously create that space in your partner’s good books, you tend to agree rather than suggest.
It gets worse when your partner fails to notice that you hardly make any contributions as to major or minor decisions in the relationship, they simply enjoy the position of a sole decision-maker and get used to it so often that they consistently decree rather than decide.
A good way to spot this red flag is to notice how often your partner listens and acts on your suggestions rather than make a decision regardless.
Also take note of how they value your input from the huge to the very little decisions, once these factors do not add up, this becomes a relationship red flag for guys and ladies to look out for.
8. There’s A Sense of Relief Away from Your Partner.
It is a big deal for many to admit that they are unhappy with their partner, but not so hard to feel the air of freedom they breathe in when away from the same said partner.
The idea behind that logic is because identifying the right relationship means you want to be with that person not constantly looking for an excuse to get away.
The moment you begin to feel relief anytime your partner is not in sight, it doesn’t make you a bad person, you’ve simply discovered another Relationship red flag and a possible toxic trait.
This can occur due to a couple of reasons, your partner puts you down at the slightest opportunity or is constantly demanding to have their way, it threatens your freedom and restricts your love airflow due to so much around you.
Soon your partner’s presence begins to suffocate rather than refresh and result in a desire to leave as soon as possible.
This is not one of the early relationship red flags, as the start of most relationships can be so smooth and consuming, it is advisable to watch out for this ugly trait while things progress.
9. Energy Levels Constantly Vary.
Ever considered the fact that you might be doing so much and getting little in return? Energy levels seem to be a constant issue between spouses and many intend to break up due to little or no effort from the other party.
Sometimes it’s the little things like phone calls or checking up on them, a spouse may be guilty of constantly receiving and never giving or giving little.
The energy received in a relationship should be weighed, to ensure no one is expending excessively on behalf of the other.
The constant excuse is being too busy, the question should be if you are too busy for your partner who gets all the attention? Relationships mean priority, when you do not seem to be a priority in the relationship, it is time to check whose values matter and whether to move on.
In all remember that the priority in a relationship should be equal energy from both or at least not too far in comparison. When it begins to look like a 70-30 situation, that is a relationship red flag.
10. Acts of Abuse.
Before you consider the thought of physical abuse, also understand that verbal abuse is a red flag to be watchful for.
So, it probably begins with signs of disrespect that weren’t obvious while going out or at the start of your relationship.
Such forms of abuse may seem to be non-existent as they might not occur regularly, this is the point to identify the early relationship red flags and stay cautious to correct them if possible.
Else it might mean it is one of the relationship red flags you notice for you to bail.
Physical Abuse, on the other hand, does not start as a lot of people expect. We need to also know that physical abuse can be from either spouse in a relationship.
A simple push or a light shove in protest from your partner is a type of physical abuse, it only results in wild violence after a while of coping with the initial stage when it does not seem so serious.
Physical or verbal abuse is an abusive relationship red flag in a relationship and should not be tolerated under the guise of love or consideration.
11. Your Partner Is Manipulative.
Think of this as blackmail but in a passive-aggressive manner, we discuss this as one of the relationship red flags because it is one a lot of partners fail in taking heed to.
This kind of manipulation is achieved, by making you continuously feel hurt or uncomfortable for doing what you desire, yet the approach is often subtle and not so easily detectable.
They are constantly after their pleasure and would put you in dire emotional situations to achieve it.
Manipulative partners are far from trustworthy, instead always looking for ways to make you fulfill their wants at your peril without the slight thought of whether the situation favors you or not.
They are hardly honest, withholding the truth of chunks of it from the entire issue and covering up their idiosyncrasies with humor to play it off as irrelevant.
These kinds of partners are quick to identify your faults while excusing theirs under the carpet, and they are extremely good at this. If you are in one or all of these situations, try to reassess your efforts against theirs.
It should be plain to see if your partner is a manipulative individual.
In other words, manipulative partners create the false idea that loving them means being completely receptive to their needs without expecting any love in return.
It is a false sense of commitment and of course one of the top relationship red flags.
12. Infidelity.
Interestingly, many of us consider this a relationship red flag, the question is when do you indicate it as a red flag? Infidelity is on the rise as social media ideas even intend to normalize it and always allow the side chick in the picture.
So the common phrase is to break up with your partner if they cheat again, hold on, does that mean there is always a grace period to cheat at least once? Seems like that’s the message we indirectly pass across, if a partner does not respect you enough to be with you 100 percent, they probably never deserved you in the first place.
The thought process to cheating is the fact that it was not an accident, like who cheats by accident? There is a conscious effort to remember while you were tempted to cheat that your partner is somewhere relying on you to be faithful.
The ability to ignore that thought process and cheat anyways is a simple lack of respect for your spouse and their values including the connection you both share.
This is why infidelity is tagged as one of the toxic relationship red flags, also cheating is a big long-distance relationship red flag.
It is often assumed that distance is a factor to the need for affection not readily available and hence an excuse to cheat, remember the thought process? If your spouse cheats far away, they would cheat close to you.
Respect is a strong word that acts irrespective of distance.
13. Exes Still Matter.
Now, this is where you need to be especially careful and remember to tag this as an early relationship red flag if the exes still matter or are regarded as a yardstick for your current relationship.
Then we have a problem, the term ‘ex’ shows the past tense indicated in that relationship and should mean an end to it.
This is a serious relationship red flag for guys, there should be no reference to how her ex in the previous relationship used to do things.
This relationship is a combination of two different people with values and ideas to be happy people based on their preferences and not on others.
So, if her ex is a point of reference, she might as well go back to him. the resolve is to be a better person with you and not to grade you based on a previous encounter because it seemed great. Continuous reminders of the previous dude might as well be a note for you to leave.
14. Communication Is A Problem.
Let’s shop for ideas, try our checklist;
- How often do you and your partner have face-to-face communication?
- Does your partner tend to text more often than make calls or speak in person?
- Does your partner withhold communicating with you over personal issues?
- Do you communicate, or is it a conscious flow of arguments, interruptions, and monosyllabic responses?
If you had to nod your head more times than you said no, well you might have just identified the biggest relationship red flag we have identified in our article.
Sometimes your partner becomes too secluded in his personal space, it is like they want you to read their minds and decipher the problem, such consistent strain in communication patterns is the beginning of problems in a relationship.
It gradually escalates into the silent treatment, then arguments and a defensive standpoint on every issue.
Once the communication path is blocked without a conscious effort to restore the original settings, the relationship is on a downward spiral with a clear red flag with problems assigned.
15. It’s A Competition, Not A Relationship.
This is a sign of insecurity on the side of one or both partners. A competitive relationship is like a game with both partners trying to outplay one another to win.
It is relatively against everything known as teamwork in a relationship and simply endears unhealthy rivalry between a couple. This type of competition results in jealousy from one spouse at the success of their partner.
Especially when things aren’t exactly working out in their favor.
Competitive partners are exactly insecure in situations ranging from a chess game to money-making situations.
It is an attempt to sabotage every effort of your spouse to become better and can cause bitter hatred or even the act of belittling the success of their spouse based on sheer jealousy.
Teamwork is a great way to start and enjoy a promising relationship with prospects for growth.
An additional way to avoid the competitive spirit is to see your partner’s achievements as one for the entire team and not a benchmark you have to beat, this mentality would help with growth and encourage you to search out opportunities to elevate your spouse.
In relationship and life, we offer valuable tips on how to enrich your love life effectively. The beauty of relationships can be threatened, by these toxic relationship red flags.
If you notice your partner exhibiting such traits it would be best to have valid conversations regarding your thoughts on such attitudes and mean it. A continuous display of toxic traits can signify the end of a relationship.
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