These days, dating feels like an extreme sport.
The dating pool is a mess, the tragic stories are endless, and the trauma that follows can be devastating.
We cannot tell from the beginning if a relationship will work out fine or lead to a happy-ever-after.
However, we can tell if a relationship will be toxic by looking out for the red flags in a guy. Men and women alike suffer abuse in relationships.
However, women are more likely to abuse than men in these relationships.
For this reason, being mindful of the biggest red flags in a guy is important for women who are entering a relationship or are already in one.
True that every individual comes with their baggage. However, there are certain traits in people that can potentially harm you.
Red flags are not just mere irritating habits that you find in others.
They can range from personality types, such as narcissism, to physical attributes, such as destructive anger, to practices, such as gaslighting.
The biggest red flags in a guy encompass his habits, ideologies, and attributes, which can cause significant financial, physical, and emotional harm.
We see a lot of justification for toxic habits in recent times. For instance, people claim these habits are inevitable behaviours of people with particular zodiac signs.
Others have claimed that they find some of these behaviours quite attractive—like having an obsessive partner makes them feel loved.
Unfortunately, it is almost like people no longer understand the repercussions of these behaviours, which is why I will highlight some of the harm that can be done when people end up with a toxic partner.
The following are disadvantages that come with dating a toxic man:
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Terrible physical health
Yes, you are at risk of digestive problems, chest pain, and in worst-case scenarios, speech and memory problems.
The stressful conditions of toxic relationships will cause your body to enter a state of hyperactivity.
This hyperactivity will release hormones adrenaline and cortisol that can cause your body great harm when released constantly for too long.
Sometimes, the reason you are constantly having incessant headaches is because of your relationship.
Your immune system will also be compromised, and you will fall ill frequently.
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Risk Of Mental Illness
Not only is your health compromised, but your mental state will also suffer great harm.
Toxic people are known to employ methods like gaslighting, fear and manipulation.
They bank on their ability to distort your mind for their personal gains.
So they try to make you question your sanity and soon lose touch with the reality that is your toxic relationship.
Many people fall into a deep depression due to the constant pain that is common in unhealthy relationships.
Men with red flags usually employ harmful behaviours like gaslighting, manipulation and fear, which negatively impact their mental health.
People who are often gaslighted tend to question their rationale and may become psychotic. Depression is also a common theme in many toxic relationships.
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Lowered Self-Worth
Beyond making you feel you’re losing your mind and body, you also start to lose any self-worth you have left.
This happens because, over the years, you are led to believe you deserve less than you are.
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Embracing Terrible Behaviours
You know what they say about hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Soon, being yelled at makes you yell at other people.
You begin to lose parts of yourself and start to see the world in a different light.
To let out those pent-up frustration, pain and anger, you might begin to take it out on the people you love.
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Lower Self-Worth
Not only does your health and mind deteriorate, but you are also at risk of losing your sense of self.
Toxic people can be narcissistic, making you feel smaller and smaller until you are nobody.
In addition, being repeatedly exposed to toxic patterns will make you very accepting of terrible behaviours.
And with no positive behaviours or support from loved ones, you will quickly stop loving yourself.
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Risk Of Becoming Toxic
At first, you find yourself accepting the bare minimum, and then soon enough, you begin to give the bare minimum. You will find yourself mirroring some of their toxic habits.
One day, you are being yelled at, and the next, you are yelling at others. You know what the phrase says about bad people corrupting good manners.
Even the most absurd things become routine if you are constantly exposed to them.
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Lack Of Motivation In Other Aspect Of Your Life
Toxic partners are draining, you spend a tremendous amount of time dealing with the unending troubles, and soon, every other aspect of your life begins to deteriorate.
You will quickly find that you can no longer pay attention to your family, work or other engagements outside your partner’s influence.
As a result, you lose parts of yourself, except the ones your toxic boyfriend approves.
One peculiar thing about red flags is that they are often not as jarring or evident at the beginning of the relationship.
As we have seen, they can appear to be cute, making people fantasize about it.
People always put their best foot forward when they meet new people or have a new love interest, making even the most toxic trait appear desirable.
Typically, what happens is you see the earlier versions of these red flags.
That excessive doting behaviour of his quickly turns into monitoring after some time.
His numerous gifts become bribes for some other sinister habit.
Other times, they are pretty good at hiding the red flags behind many other things, and these silent red flags in a relationship can be hard to discern.
For this reason, I will show you what ten of the biggest red flags in a guy are
1. He Is Constantly Using Substances
One of the important red flags in a relationship with a man to look out for is his terrible habits. True that many people drink or smoke.
Unless you have a strict rule about these habits, it’s not necessarily a problem unless he does it so often.
Do you often find that he is constantly on a bottle or smoking? Do you regularly see him as tipsy? Then that is a red flag.
A man who is responsible shouldn’t always be on one substance or another.
A constant need for this substance may be telling signs of an addiction.
The problem with addiction to bad habits is that they can become very crippling.
He becomes dependent on them and cannot live a normal life outside these substances.
People with addictions are also known to have impulsive and risk-taking behaviours that can be harmful to other people around them.
This is one of the biggest red flags in a guy, especially if you want a long-term relationship with him.
2. He Has A Habits Of Putting Others Down
How people treat others is how they are likely to treat you eventually.
If you are looking to get into a relationship with a man, it is important you pay attention to how he treats people around them: their parents, their siblings, the ordinary person who they had just met, and even pets.
If a man has the habit of putting others down. This might be by his actions or words, and then it is a red flag.
This is because such a man is a typical bully and will not hesitate to do the same to you when the situation arises.
When the relationship isn’t as new anymore, the harsh words he says to the waiter will soon be directed at you.
3. He Seems To Have No Life Outside The Relationship
It can be really beautiful when someone gives us their attention and time. It shows how intentional they can be about you.
However, knowing where to draw the line between this caring habit and what can be considered an obsession is also essential.
It can be hard to tell when someone is obsessed with you rather than being very loving, but an obsessed person typically centres your life over theirs. They have no concerns for their own life.
You will also notice the following, which are some of the biggest red flags in a guy who is obsessive:
- Extreme Jealousy Over Your Other Interpersonal Relationship
Of course, people can get jealous when they are interested in you, but if they go the extra mile to break or restrict your connection with others, there is definitely a problem.
- Monitoring Your Actions
It is one thing to ask where you are going and another to pour over the unnecessary details, like wanting to know what you will be doing at the place, the timeline of the events, and the people that will be present.
- Constantly Trying To Get Into The Same Space As You
Is he always asking for your schedule? And makes suggestions about taking part in an activity that you do alone? Then he is showing signs of obsession.
4. He Is Very Nonchalant
Hakuna Matata is great, but it is a red flag when it becomes all there is to a person.
True, many things are out of your control, and you need not worry excessively.
But, when a person pays no attention to even the most important things, that becomes a big problem.
When a person’s response to anything and everything is nonchalance, it can become a serious problem.
They will likely exhibit this nonchalance in many situations where you expect them to act or show concern.
This is why it is one of the biggest red flags in a guy. It is generally not the kind of character you would want in a man with whom you want to build a life.
5. He Has A Very Negative Outlook On Life
Life can get really sad and depressing, and we all could experience cyclical phases of sadness or negativity.
But if negativity is all there is to a person, then it can become a problem.
The problems that are associated with negativity are numerous, and this makes it one of the biggest red flags in a guy.
Some of the problems that such a man may pose for you are:
- He Will Discourage You A Lot
Often we want people to believe in us and what we do. We need that support in order to get things done.
You’ll never get this with a negative person because he sees the bad even when it can be all good.
- He Will Nag You A Lot
Negative will always complain about everything, and it is almost like he cannot see how amazing life is.
Even on the brightest days, he will complain about how brilliant it is.
- He Will Make You Feel Anxious
The problem with negativity is that it soon begins to rub off on you eventually.
One way this will be expressed is in how anxious you will get.
You will start to worry just like he does and focus on all the negative things.
- You Will Feel Drained
Negativity is like a black hole that continues to suck the light out of everything.
You’ll have to reassure him and deal with the other episodes that come with intense negativity.
These can be very draining, especially when you have to deal with them constantly for an extended period.
It is important to know that extreme negativity is often an underlying sign of a mental illness.
Under the right circumstances, you can encourage the person to seek professional help.
But like any of the biggest red flags in a guy, you must be wary of this behaviour and strive to protect yourself first.
6. He Claims To Have So Many Enemies
There are only two people who should have so many enemies: a person who offends everyone and the person who everyone is afraid of.
This points to the fact that he’s either a tyrant or a nuisance.
Having so many is one of the biggest red flags in a guy, especially if the so-called enemies are constantly trying to sabotage him.
Having so many enemies means that people continuously find him irritating, which can be for a very valid reason.
If so many people at once believe another person to be terrible, then more often than not, they probably are.
Another thing is this could be a sign that he avoids responsibility for his actions.
If every time something goes wrong, and his first reaction is to blame some enemy, especially without evidence, then he is the kind of guy who is prone to delusion and might avoid accountability.
As a person, you should also be worried about how soon it will be before you even become his enemy.
And if you confirm these enemies to be purely speculative, then it can be a telling sign of an underlying mental disorder.
7. He Believes There Should Be No External Influence In Your Relationship
There are so many red flags in a relationship with a man but one telling one is when he tries to isolate you from your social circle.
He will do this as a way to reduce as much influence from the relationship as possible. So if you notice him do the following:
- Berate You From Hanging Out With Your Friends
Understandably, he will want to spend more time with you, but when he takes extreme reactions to you hanging out with your friends, that indicates he’s trying to control your external influence.
- Talk ill of your friends
Unless you have taken to bad habits that concern him, but if he always seems to have a complaint about your friends.
Trivia complaints like how they dress, why they have their spouses or even why they always want to hang out with you.
He is looking to paint them in a bad light and possibly cause you to think badly of them, so they are no longer a part of your life.
Only manipulative or toxic people often engage in this kind of habit.
This is why it is important to look out for some of the biggest red flags in a guy to avoid being a victim of such men.
8. He Wants To Move Things Along Quickly
Too often, men use the promise of marriage to trap a woman quickly.
It is easy to get swayed when there is a rock right in front of you two weeks after a vacation.
But, if everything is moving on so fast and quickly, too, it is time to step back and evaluate the situation.
Sometimes, you can only get to know a person properly if you have spent quality time with them.
If a man promises too much in such little time and is hell-bent on moving things along quickly, it is a red flag.
If he wants you badly, then he will take his time to get to know you and make you feel very comfortable in the long run.
But, on the other hand, if a man is trying too hard to win your affection in so little time and asking you to make a life-changing decision like marriage within such a small frame, it is one of the biggest red flags in a guy.
9. His Friends Look Suspicious
You know the adage goes, “Show me your friends, and I’ll tell you who you are.”
You should apply the same in many scenarios, one of which is choosing a male friend or lover.
By paying close attention to his friends, you can tell what kind of man he is.
Trust that people only wish to associate with those they perceive to have a shared interest.
You can very well conclude that if he hangs with the wrong crowd, he is a bad person.
Even if you assume that he hangs out with them, need I also remind you that these are the people he will turn to when he has problems with you? If they are in the wrong circle of influence, they will inevitably influence your man negatively, and that can even affect the quality of your relationship.
So treat it as one of the biggest red flags in a guy for these reasons. It will also save you a lot of trouble as you do not even have to get in the same space with them.
10. You Are Not Sure Of How He Feels Towards You
Perhaps he is inconsistent or is not very open about what he wants.
Whatever it is, if you are unsure about his genuine intentions towards you, then it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.
When a man really wants to be with you, trust that you will never have to second guess.
If you also notice that no matter how many times you try to clarify that, he waves it away like it’s nothing, then that is one of the biggest red flags in a guy, especially if you are considering a relationship with him.
As a friend or a lover, a man who exhibits all of these red flags I have mentioned above should be attended to with caution.
The importance of paying attention to red flags is to avoid the troubles associated with men with all of these characteristics.
As I have said earlier, red flags are not as cute as you would imagine.
Often, as I have highlighted, they may appear very lovely, like the man trying so hard to get married to you within the shortest time possible or the guy who showers you with constant attention.
However, these do not mean that they are not red flags. In discerning whether it is a red flag, you must ask yourself why this person does what he does. How does it affect me? How does it benefit?
Once you take this approach, you will at first realize how terrible a lot of things are, it may be a little frustrating, but eventually, it becomes the eye-opener that helps you do better when it comes to the choice of men in your life.
The results after that are going to make you feel like it was the best decision of your life.
